im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
