Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
