Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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