..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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