8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
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Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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