using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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