i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
