hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
