I puked a lego.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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