I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
