She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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