Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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