dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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