do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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