Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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