I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize