what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
