He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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