I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
