Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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