people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
