Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
