I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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