"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
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At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And then my night got REAL pukey
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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