I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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