I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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