she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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