Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
