I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
