If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
