pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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