The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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