This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
