I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
