He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
