Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
