hotel room ftw
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
