Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
