There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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