he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
