if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
