hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
