Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
