Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
