so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
my liver is dry heaving
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
