I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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