Sponge bath it is.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Houston, we have a squirter
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
