For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
