omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
