STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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