pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
