Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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