I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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