u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
