is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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