i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
