First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
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