Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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