i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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