A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.