She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I came so hard my ears popped.