yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
