We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
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Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack