Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
