I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
